I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
