your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize