omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
