**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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