i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
