I'm so fucking centered right now
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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