Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
