Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
