Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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