you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
