You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Do you have feelings for this penis?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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