I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
