Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
