nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
