Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
