I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
