sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
