I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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