i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Sacagawea was the original milf.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
