And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
It's no shave November. This is our time.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
