I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize