I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
