zippers are such a cool invention
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
