My first STD was from a foam party
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
