Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
