Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
not ubering you a puppy
Randomize
