you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
