I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
