my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
