I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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