At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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