Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
