Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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