i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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