I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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