Sponge bath it is.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
