I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
