that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
