Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
