we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
