He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I don't deserve a penis
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
