Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Well I just put wine in my tea
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Sorry about my life...
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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