she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
