tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize