I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize