so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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