im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
