i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
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