He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
