Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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