it wasn't lemon gatorade
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
