My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
