Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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