..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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