I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
