i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
