I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
