But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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