is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
