I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
