Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
