Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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