THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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