I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
