I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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