I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
