I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I understand Curling. That high.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
