yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize