I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize