I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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