maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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