Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
