we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
