Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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