uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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