I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
