dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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