Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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