So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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