FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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