We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
