I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize