Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
