bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
