just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize