none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
