Too much gin, very little bucket
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
