after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize