when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
