it wasn't lemon gatorade
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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