naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
