I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
