I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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