Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize