she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
operation have a gay friend backfired
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
