i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
