i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
