I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
