come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
