hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize