i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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