I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
