yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
We're too hungover to prance.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
