he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
