My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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