why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
