worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize