I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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