But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
