Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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