I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
