There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
