Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
